Can't sleep.... Again

Can't sleep again. Brain going too fast and thinking too much.   Probably a byproduct of working too late and not taking downtime.  Tried to relax and stop thinking during my ritual evening hot tub but it's not working. 

I missed updating how many rolls and if I've gone to class. Let's just say I've gone a few times and maybe 10 rolls. Seems easy enough.

Been dealing with lots of kid issues lately.  My oldest wants to move out. But now talking about staying weekends and at his dad's rest of time.  So basically 4 days a month I get him. I'm trying to remember what it's like to be 15 and I can't remember.  Maybe it's life's way of protecting you from all the angst and issues you had as a teenager. Wish I remembered half of it. Might be a better parent if I could sympathise better.

Trying to write what's been good lately.  Today I got to teach judo.  And I woke up early to work out. Yesterday I found time to make cookies. And was able to have coffee with a friend unexpectedly. 
I can't say I'm entirely happy. And I know what's missing or maybe think I do but don't have means to change it. I am feeling a bit lost right now. Once again I'm not where I thought I would be,  I don't have what I would like,  and looking for changes. 15 year old angst in an almost 40 year old women's body.

Can't sleep

Having problems sleeping tonight so I'm playing around looking for words to read.   I've been having a song play in my head lately by Leonard Cohen and not sure why.  Can listen to it here

Made it to judo tonight and got 3 rounds in. Frig I suck at it sometimes.  

Kids have been busy lately on me.   Hard to manage and I'm not sure why.   I know it's part or probably mostly me. Just don't know what to do.

Weekend around the corner with no plans. Will go watch a movie,  go to jits and judo,  and go cross country skiing.  Got to keep moving.

Getting moving

Realized yesterday that I've lost my thinking time. I used to run all the time,  or go to the gym,  and it was the one time I worked out my thoughts.  I've stopped going,  stopped running,  stopped X country skiing,  and now I don't take the time to work out things.   I decided to get back into things,  as I can,  and see how it all fits.

Looking ahead to summer plans and what I want to do. I've decided Barkerville and the hikes in northern BC.   I want to take kids to see UNBC and see university I went to.   I won't have as much time off this summer as I want to use some of my days for road trips for me.

No progress on my leg warmer cuffs. Maybe will be a weekend only project.

Changing

Went to jits yesterday and today.   Got in 6 rounds yesterday and 5 rounds today.  So I've gone to jits 3x, judo 0x and have done 18 rounds.

I went for a quick hike up the hill tonight.  Told dad and he asked me if I was visiting grandpa.   Need to remind kids about me wanting to be cremated and placed up there if anything was to happen.

Been feeling stagnant.  Not doing what I want to do and stuck.  Had a good conversation with someone last night about how to look at things differently. And it opened my eyes about what I've been doing.  Instead of trying to force what I want,  I need to work with what I have.   Eventually what I want will happen. I hope.  

I also realised that I've been pretty lazy in my workouts.   Time to step it up.

Casting on

I'm trying to get back into knitting.  To use up what I have,  maybe try to expand my creativity,  something for my hands to do.   I was going to make something special.  But figured special and no brainer is a better start.

I want to get out of town. Go travel.  I'm feeling cooped up and stuck and want something new to see.   I don't have any travel plans with work for a few months.   Thought I was going to Dallas next month but I think it will be cancelled.  So here I sit...

Actually,  I think I'm just feeling stuck.

On a side note,  gone to jits on Jan 1. Got 7 rolls in.