Lost and found

I found socks that I knit probably 3 years ago.   Almost done,  I just needed to cast off the toe.   I don't know why I hadn't finished them.   Forgot?   Wasn't what I wanted?   I finished them off tonight,  and wearing them to bed.

It's been a good Christmas so far,  with the usual stuff happening.  Kids not getting what they expected,  my usual frustration of not getting them what they wanted,  and feeling a bit at a loss as to how to change it for next year.   This year,  wanting to do something different,  I offered to take them skiing instead of tons of presents.   Well,  it backfired.   Instead I heard about how I didn't get an easy bake oven for Kass and how Cole didn't get tons of presents.   Linden said nothing,  beyond that he didn't want to go skiing.   I don't know what to do sometimes.   I think I might have it right.   And then never do.   Somehow I end up disappointing someone along the way.  Maybe there is something to be said about just buying gift cards.   But I just don't think it's right.   And in the end,  it's not about gift cards or getting the right gift.   In the end,  it's more that what is wanted,  on both sides,  just doesn't happen.

Finding the holidays difficult this year.   Started in August when I took time off with the kids,  and it's happening again.   Easier when I'm busy... No time to think.   Wanting what I don't have,  and probably won't get... Need to get back to work or have busier days.

Time

Kass went to a friends' place after school today.   Afterwards,  she said they were like her cousins.  I realized I've known the family 14 years. 14 whole years.   Doesn't seem right that time can go that quick or pass through without notice until looking back. Sometimes I wish it was like summers as a kid where a whole summer would last a lifetime.

5 more sleeps to Christmas.   Not excited.  Just not into it.

Kids go to their dad's tomorrow and back late Monday.   Will spend my weekend wrapping presents,  cleaning house,  working and maybe head up to the mountain.   Get a ski in or maybe snowshoe.   Been awhile and I need the time for me.

Remembering

Today,  after speaking with coworkers about the fact I knitted,  I remembered I had pictures on a blog of knitting,  and even more so,  remembered that I did at one time,  wrote a bit about my life.

So I went back to my writing and had a good look as to what happened and where I'm at today.  So interesting how time has gone on.

I'm lying here tonight,  finding it hard to fall asleep,  and remembered that I had this.   So... Here I am again.

No point in hashing out what I've done or been to these past two years. Given that it's almost exactly two years since I've written...

I had someone ask me the other day,  since the world might end on Friday,  what did I want to do?  And I couldn't come up with anything.   Granted,  there is much I want to change,  learn about,  grow,  experience and have in my life.   But,  when it comes down to the basics,  if things were to end as of Friday,  I would say I had a good time of it all.   Of course,  when I wake up Saturday morning.... I'm going to go back to looking at what I want to do differently.  Until then, I'll stay status quo for the next two days. But I have to say.... If the world does start to end on Friday,  I'm calling in sick to work.

Speaking of work,  it's been so busy... Juggling with work load and trying to get everything together before holidays.  I'm contemplating working a day next week to deal with work load and dealing with mommy guilt for not spending time with my kids on their days off.   But work pays for the mortgage so it's in our best interest for me to put the time in to it.   I just know that they're not kids forever.   And in the now,  just see me as not coming through on planned holiday time. Again.

But I might not have to worry about that past Friday anyways....